"May burn the house down," he said. Hmmm...

When one thing breaks, it's the fall of Rome. Sure, it may seem like just the garbage disposal, but what is next? I'll tell you what is next: the light bulbs need replacing, the dogs eat your backyard wicker furniture, you swear there was a lemon tree back there but now you stare aimlessly at a three foot hole in the ground, then you jump in the shower to find there is no hot water and you just got off your Peloton so you're dripping in sweat. It's a damn domino effect. Why didn't I join track in high school? I could have learned to jump hurdles.

I am currently working on the water heater. It just takes me longer than most people to get things done. I cleaned the burner, vacuumed around it, but now I can't light the pilot. Yes, I tried YouTube videos. No, one week later I still haven't figured it out. So I call a professional. He asks me for the make, model, and serial number. He puts me on hold. No good music, just static. I have nothing to hum along to so I start to sweep. Five minutes later, he comes to the phone and says my water heater is part of a recall. Apparently, the water heaters were busting out in flames and lighting houses on fire. Unfortunately, they can't work on it. My only option is replacing it. I am looking at $1,800- $2,300.

My life flashes before my eyes. I quickly tell him, no thank you, and hang up. I try to juggle my finances in my mind, and decide we will not shower for a month.

What other options do I have? I can sell one of the kids' kidneys on the black market. How much are kidneys going for these days? But then I can't decide on which kid gets sacrificed first so there goes that idea. "It may burn the house down," he said. Hmm....

Oh stop. I didn't really consider selling the kids' kidneys. They're a package deal. The rest of the body would have to go with them. I'll just sign up for some overtime. It's a lot less time consuming than trying to find a buyer.

The youngest of my kiddos just walked into my bedroom. He looked up at me with his large brown eyes, batted his long little eyelashes at me and said, "Mom, you are the best. You are so beautiful. I just love you." Be still my heart! He's a smart kid. He's off the list.