Blue Jay, Oh, Blue Jay

Dear Blue Jay,

You come to my house, you disrespect my family! Last year, when you were trying to kill my cat, all was forgiven when you disappeared for the winter. We could breathe again. I didn't have to run out with the broom like a mad woman yelling, "This is Sparta!" and throwing kicks around like I was actually going to reach you.

Why do you attack my cat? Why do you feel the need to swoop on down and peck at her little black fur as she's trying to make her way over to me for cover? You try to break her spirit, but she's fancy. She won't coward down and run. She continues one foot ahead of the other as she sways her little model-like hips, stopping only to swat you away like the pesky fly you are.

Does it make you angry? Is this why you loiter outside my window as soon as the sun peeks his head out? Is this why you "scream, and shout, and let it all out?" (That was sung in true will.i.am and Brittney fashion.) I can't sleep. The dark circles around my eyes have dark circles. They're dark circular. My back hurts. I've never flailed my body around so much in attempts to find some rest. But there you are, staring at me through the blinds like you own the place. Well, your blue feathers are stupid. And you're ugly. And you can't sing. And I own a slingshot.

See you around,

Your arch nemesis